“I was seeing things.” Veteran Describes Schizoaffective Disorder
Brad: My wife and I were having morning coffee together on our front porch. It was just a normal day and she asked me to go into the clinic 'cause I was having problems. Later that day, from the clinic parking lot, I was able to call her one last time because I was suicidal and they wanted to commit me.
My name is Brad. I served in the Army from 2003 to 2017. I was a combat engineer for 10 years. And then for the remainder of my career, I was a mathematician. I joined the Army because I felt like when our country went to war, I decided that I needed to be a part of that and to serve my nation. An event that impacted me was kind of a mysterious event that I never reported at all in Iraq. I was walking to a porta john of all places and I woke up on the ground unconscious. I have no idea what happened to me. I didn't tell anybody because I didn't want to get sent back to the states for testing. I didn't feel anything at the time happening to me. But if I can look back, I can really see it starting then.
My transition experience out of the military was a little bit bumpy, to say the least. There was a lot going on with me mentally at the time. I was hearing things. I was seeing things. I was extremely paranoid. During that time, I developed schizoaffective disorder and was eventually medically retired from it. I have made it my life mission to try to help others in that same situation. I would hear what I later named the dragon. It knew every chink in my armor and knew how to break me down very well. I felt like I wasn't living at all. And then a med board was recommended for me, and that process took about 18 months. It was a big challenge to be medically retired. It was a long time coming and I, it made me feel like I wasn't worth very much at all.
When I was in the clinic, it was 30 days of intensive inpatient. The amount of treatment that I received in this clinic and the balancing of my medications was very helpful. Pharmaceuticals are my first line of defense. Therapy is the next. Beyond that, I have a very strong support network that I built up in Oregon. My wife, who is my caregiver through the VA, she keeps me as level as I can possibly be.
April: Without treatment, he was so paranoid that he couldn't leave the house. It's because of the treatment and the stability that brings and the medication and, you know, it's not just one building block. It's all different things that build a base of stability.
Brad: I think that talk therapy is especially useful. Having a true empathetic therapist, it can save a life. If you have a mental health condition, you need to explore medication. You need to explore therapy. You need to work closely and honestly with your providers because there are people out there that care about you. And for the sake of them, you need to get help.
April: My most proudest moment from Brad is every day that the day that we're in, because I know how hard he fights every single day to show up and be a husband and to show up and be a father.
Brad: One of the things that I've benefited greatly from is my involvement with the Veteran community. That has been a renewal of my purpose. I've found a lot of great friends and really seeing the community start to rally up around the work that I do has been really meaningful to me.
