Probably one of the roughest days of my life, and it was just like the big light bulb that clicked. I said, "I really truly need help."
My name's Mike. I started out in the Air Force, got out, then I went into the Army Reserves, and eventually went back to duty Army. The years I served, I went basic training 1984, and I retired in the fall of '19. And as an enlisted guy, I was a intel operations specialist and interrogator for the Army. Was a 97 Echo at the time. And as an officer, I was a 35 Fox, so I was a HUMINT collecting officer. Eight combat deployments. Four times to Iraq. First one was in 2003 during the push, the initial war. That was pretty rough. I lost some, lost a few guys in that tour. Being in combat, I think it just, it was hard on the family. I went through a couple divorces during my time in uniform, so that was probably the worst part of it. It was anxiety, depression. I kinda battled that for years. That kind of affected it. I would come home, and then I would start to drink a little bit too much when I came home. And I was trying to cope with it and everything too, and that's how I dealt with it. I mean, I had such a responsibility, such a big part of me, and then the next day, you're basically doing nothing, no responsibility whatsoever, so it was a huge shock. That was a big thing to me. Short-tempered, just not the best person to talk to in a conversation. I kind of isolated. And it wasn't healthy, it kind of added up.
It was in July of 2018. Well, I couldn't start my chainsaw. And I was out in my cabin. I fell onto my knees, and I, you know, I just bawled my head off. And it was just weird, 'cause I was like, where the hell this come from? I had no idea. There was a 1-800 number I called 'cause I realized that I needed help, and that kind of started the process to kinda get to a better spot.
I did some talk therapy real close to my home. I built such a good bond, and I felt very comfortable in sharing everything with her and stuff. And that was, right before that chainsaw thing, I just went through my second divorce and stuff, so things were pretty heavy back then. But it was just nice to have an independent person that wasn't biased, that I can actually talk about the things that were really bugging me. And I also did CPT, cognitive processing therapy. You actually go through the, kinda the worst parts of your life, and you kinda reframe 'em and kinda look at 'em in a different perspective. But that was a really good therapy for me, too.
I had always had a desire to hike. Had kind of a rough childhood growing up and stuff, but I knew that whenever things were rough in life, I would go hiking. So in 2021, I got hooked up with Warriors Expedition to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, and I started out on April 7th, 2021. It was probably the best thing in my life I've ever done. During that hike, I transformed into a different person. 'Cause you're out there for four and a half months walking every day. There was one portion in Northern California where I walked through, it'd been burnt, really bad fire there, and it was like three days of going through a big fire, burn area. Little spooky out here. Yeah. I remember that night, I slept in my tent next to a bunch of burnt out trees, and just everything was black. But the animals were running around, there was something gnawing on a stick right next to my tent, there was water flowing there. Such a beautiful area. And I looked at that, that was kinda like me in a way. On the outside, I kinda felt that I was kinda destroyed, and burnt up, and stuff. And I saw there was so much life in there, it was weird, it's weird transition. And then after that, just, things got so much better. If I wouldn't have finished that trail, I'm not sure where I'd be right now.
It's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to talk to other people, it's okay to kind of ask for help. And I think it's important for older guys like me to kinda step up and do that.
